Reviews : Albums : Von Sirius, "The Mystical Doktryn of Spiritual Accomplishment"

Von Sirius, "The Mystical Doktryn of Spiritual Accomplishment"
Von Sirius
The Mystical Doktryn of Spiritual Accomplishment
Von Sirius, "The Mystical Doktryn of Spiritual Accomplishment"

This is the kind of album that I would pull out if a gang of goths descended on my house in the pre-dawn hours, fresh from some disturbing sex ritual in a graveyard. They'd be in the mood for something like this... just enough guitar and really boring, flat-lined drums which could be programmed but the band goes out of its way to be mysterious, so I can't say for sure. Sounds like it to me, though. If that really is a drummer, sorry man, but you sound like a tree.

I'd turn the lights down really low, mostly to avoid having to look too closely at the gaggle of goths, who can be an ugly bunch, with the exception of the one smoking hottie that they're all trying to nail. Then I'd pop the old Von Sirius button on the media center, pass around a few vials of GHB and absinthe, and we'd be off into the molten lands of Depeche Mode meets Alistair Crowley at a cannibals picnic in the haunted woods.

They'd drift off into a roofies-induced slumber, listlessly groping at each other, grooving to the weird French electro-goth. The death sounding vocal would scare them in their stupor, but the endless cheesy keyboard lines and depressed French dude singing like his mother just exploded. They'd be into the rhythm guitars that occasionally pushed forward in the mix, but it would induce the most sarcastic expressions I'd seen in months, because they're not supposed to be into guitar rock. And during "Sad X" there would be a general rousing of spirits during the oriental flavored interludes, and yes I think that's a bass guitar in there somewhere. Whoa... trippy... an actual guitar solo breaks out. But it's mellow enough to be accepted by my rapidly degenerating guests. Dawn is fast approaching and I'm losing patience with these penguins, but the music drones on and they won't leave. "Babalon" has some odd moments, and a bit of life to it. This band is a bit weird... there's a bit on industrial grind, but it's quite tame. Heavy on the goth vibe, though. And apparently quite magical, as my little coven of wicca-wannabe's start leaping around the room, dancing ecstatically and chanting mysterious French phrases.

My biggest gripe about this album is the lack of's quite boring, and when it does try to establish some sense of dynamics, like on "You Ruined it All", comes off as a bit trite. Now there's a vortex of energy and power rising from my coffee table, and it's sucking the goth kids up one by one, devouring their souls and depositing their bodies in some far removed dimensional plane. Good, that minimizes my clean up of the evenings revelries. French electro-goth with slight metal tenancies and inspired by magic. If that tweaks your fancy, buy this freaking album. Otherwise, stay out of my freaking house, ya bums.

Standout Tracks

   Sad X